TNWIMB #1- The End of the World is The Beginning of a New One

The Naked Wizard in My Bedroom Series

Blog Post #1

The End of the World is The Beginning of a New One

Hello, my name is Jon, Jon without the ‘h’, obviously. No, it’s not short for Jonathan or Jonny either. It’s just plain old Jon without the ‘h’. Anyways, this is my first blog post per my mother’s strong suggestion. I guess blogging about my life is supposed to be her way of getting me out there to make friends or meet new people. Honestly, the only interesting thing I have to mention is that not too long ago the world came to an end.

It was reduced to ashes, actually.

Of course, nobody noticed the end of the world. People were too busy, as usual. I’m sure you’re familiar with what I mean by that. But the world did come to an end. It happened right after a visit from the naked wizard in my bedroom. Let me start from the beginning so you’re up to speed. I’ll give you a quick tour of my crazy headspace, my normal apartment, then the end of the world and then whatever comes after the end.

Cheers!

So, let’s start with my mother, because why not? My mother loves to say she ‘loves me.’ She told me this the other day right before I got off the phone with her. And if she ever read this, she’d reaffirm her love very quickly and loudly for everyone else to hear. “I do love you, I do!” she’d probably say. God, she’s always saying stuff like that. Really ticks me off sometimes. She’s not the only one either. Everyone, and I mean everyone says stuff like that, carelessly. Honestly, I have no idea what ‘I love you’ even means anymore. People love to say all kinds of ‘pretty words’ like ‘I love you’ or ‘trust me’ or ‘we’re like a family’ or ‘I’m glad you’re here.’

I hate it.

All of it.

I really do.

You want to know why? You curious? Because I used to believe those words, wholeheartedly. I wanted to believe them. You see, I used to have a deep desire for those words to be true. But that always led to disappointment. I used to believe the ‘I love yous’ and the ‘trust mes’ and so on and so forth. I don’t know why I ever believed those words or expected anything from them because that’s all they were. They’re just words. Believing in words is a trap. Why? Because people are disappointing disasters. They are. Or at least, I believed they were, until I met the naked wizard in my bedroom.

That sounded crazy, right?

Or ridiculous?

Stupid even?

Well, like most situations, it was all those things and more. There really was a naked wizard in my bedroom the other night. I’m not making this up. I swear to God Almighty, I’m not! Wait, maybe I shouldn’t swear to God. I think that’s still considered blasphemy, or something… Sorry… I’m really—really trying my hardest not to offend people these days. I really am. But knowing me and all my glorious achievements, I’m pretty sure at some point I’ll slip up. I will. I’m that kind of guy. I’ll write something that will get me fired or arrested or even exiled from society (or maybe all three). I’m not even kidding.

Sorry—super sorry, I’m getting distracted. Must be my undiagnosed ADHD or is it ADD? Anyways, you’re here and I’m here to talk or more precisely read about the naked wizard. A wizard was standing atop my bed the other night while I was trying to sleep like a good little 35-year-old man. I’ll paint the scene for you. Bear with me. It gets good, I swear.

On the night of the naked wizard incident, my bedroom was dark and quiet. It was what any bedroom of a roach-infested apartment should be at night. Yes, I had roaches. Not those skinny, little ones either. I had real roaches. I had roaches that were as big and as fat as a fist. They were built like armored tanks and could survive a strike from my frying pan. Sometimes, I heard them scuttling about behind my bedroom walls and through the vents like a sneaky sickness crawling through my veins. With that in mind, my bedroom sounded like a comfortable place for sleeping that night, right? I remember my very normal closet was bursting with cheap clothes that were great for looking fancy.  In fact, they were fancy enough so people at work would say the nicest things about them with their widest glistening grins.

“Oh, looking good there, sir,’ some would say.

“Wow nice digs,” others might add.

On a side note, I’m 99.9% positive those compliments are as cheap and as fake as my clothes, but whatever. Then there’s my window. I lived on the third floor of my apartment complex, so it was easy for the full moon to squeeze its overly glamorous silver rays past my useless blinds. It was the moon’s way of reminding me of the spectacular view I had of the starry sky. So what? I didn’t care about stars or the nice view. Stuff like that was as useless as chasing after your dreams. Dreams were for children.

Anyways, last, but not least, there was my awkward, creaky bed and the magical guest who stood on my mattress as I hid beneath my covers. That night, I remember the wizard was staring down at me, grinning like he’d found a winning lottery ticket. If it wasn’t for his silver mossy hair, glowing glacial eyes, and wizarding clothes, I’d say he looked like any average black guy you’d catch walking down the streets of Melville, Virginia.

In fact, he looked eerily like me, actually. Go figure.

“Hello there,” said the wizard standing on my bed, still wearing his shoes.

“Um—hello?” I said back.

“My name is Michael,” he said, pleasantly. “It is truly a delight—an honor to meet you. It’s an honor to be here, in this place.”

“Okay?” I replied.

I didn’t consider a cheap apartment in Melville a pleasure or an honor. Nor did I think of myself as someone pleasant to be around. However, this wizard looked about my bedroom with his amused smile. Then he started laughing loudly. He had one of those laughs that could make a whole room shake.

“Hey not so loud!” I hissed. “You’ll bother my neighbors. They’re sleeping!”

“Oh, your neighbors?” he said, surprised. “You—you still have neighbors here?”

“Um—yeah,” I said.

“You mean, there are still people here?” he asked with caution.

“Yes, there are still people here,” I said. “Just because Melville is a college town and it’s the summer doesn’t mean everyone’s gone.”

Michael lost his smile. His glacial eyes grew dim and distant. It was as if he’d started daydreaming to avoid a disappointing conversation. I understood. Talking to me was as interesting as surviving a 7AM corporate meeting on how to build better teamwork without the comfort of coffee. Still, while the wizard slipped away into his imaginary world, I studied his very bizarre, incredible clothes.

The wizard wore an absurd dark purple robe covered with dozens upon dozens of golden stars that made it seem as though he was wearing the night sky or a piece of the universe itself. I stared at his curious robe so intently, that I swore I could see the stars moving around the fabric like shooting stars trapped in cloth. Ridiculous right? Michael also wore one of those enormous pointy hats too. The design was different from the usual pointy hats of wizards. It looked more like a black sombrero with gold runes decorating its rim. Lastly, he held a magical rod that was almost as tall as him and was as pink as a valentine rose. A heartbeat thumped from the rod.

“Jon are you sure there are people still here in this world?” said Michael. “Jon, did you hear me?”

“What?” I said, realizing I was the daydreaming one.

“Apologies, I never mean to interrupt a man’s ponderings,” said Michael. “But this is very important. Is it true that there are still people here, in this world?”

“Uh—yeah,” I said. “I believe there are billions of people based on what I’ve read on the internet. But you never know with the internet. Could be more or less…”

Michael’s face grew sourer at those words. He pursed his lips as if he’d swallowed a whole lemon and was now choking on it. His expression became so terrifyingly grim, I started to miss his goofy grin and his obnoxious laughter from before.

“If what you’re saying is true,” he said. “Then this will be much messier with people here. You must brace yourself for the end.”

“What?” I asked. “What’re you talking about?”

A cold wind blew.

Sounded strange right? I mean, how could a cold wind blow in a room without the AC running or a fan or an opened window? Even with an open window, it was one of the hottest summers in Virginia. I expected a gentle warm breeze a most, but not a frigid chill. Definitely not a chill. This cold wind made my spine tingle with fear. But as with most things, I wasn’t given a chance to process what was happening. I didn’t even get a chance to wrap myself up with another blanket. My world began to collapse, literally. First my bedroom walls began to rot. Gray bruises appeared on the walls of my room like a sickness, until the whole place was gray. Then everything crumbled away into ashes. The cold wind swept away every pile of ash that formed so that I was trapped in a sandstorm of a decaying world. My whole apartment suffered from this ashy sickness. It didn’t stop there. This world ending sickness overtook my entire apartment complex. I heard screaming, but those screams were swiftly silenced as this disease spread throughout the parking lot, consuming cars and roads, probably the whole city of Melville. The only thing that didn’t burst into ashes was me and my bed, as well as the wizard still standing on my bed.

“What—what is happening,” I said. “And are we floating? Are you doing this?”

“We should leave before the Nightmares make their appearance,” said Michael. “But I need your permission first to leave.”

“Leave?” I said. “And go where? The world is literally disintegrating! It’s falling apart like a poorly made sandcastle.”

Michael turned his attention to the sky or what was left of it. It was impossibly difficult to explain, but the sky was peeling away like wallpaper. Imagine the sky as being like black wallpaper with stars and a moon printed on it. Then imagine bits of it flaking off like dead skin. That’s exactly what was happening to the sky—no, this was what was happening to reality itself. My wizarding guest lifted his hand and fired a light from his index finger. That light flew high above us as it traveled into the growing nothingness that replaced the sky. Then it burst, releasing a continuous shower of brilliant silver rays that allowed me to see whatever remained of existence. There wasn’t much remaining, except a chaotic swirling storm of darkness and ashes.

The cold breeze oozed out of a giant crack in the distance. A literal tear in space hovered above us in the starless, moonless sky. The crack resembled the opening of a cavern. An enormous hand covered in an inky darkness reached out of the cavern. The hand was large enough to lift a truck. This was a Nightmare, literally. This was the thing Michael was trying to warn me about. To be fair, I was understandably busy trying to process my collapsing world. Had I known something far worse than the end of the world was approaching I would’ve given the wizard permission to leave ASAP. The Nightmare stretched out its hand as it reached for Michael and me. My lungs froze. I could barely breathe. I broke out into a cold sweat and waited for the horror of my death as the creature’s fingers drew nearer. The beast’s hand enclosed us in a deadly cage.

“Jon, don’t be afraid,” said Michael cheerfully. “I am here with you.”

Michael lifted his pink wizarding rod and it released a loud heartbeat. This pulse echoed across the nothingness around us like the wizard’s laugh. The air grew warmer little by little. I started to breathe more easily. A pink light sprung out of Michael’s rod like a fountain of water. This overflow of light was fierce. It almost blinded me. Michael swung the rod at the Nightmare’s approaching hand. The rod grew. It became a whip made of that fierce, blinding light. When that light touched the beast’s dark flesh, the creature released a hideous cry that forced me to cover my ears. Michael’s whip tore through the beast’s hand, clipping off the creature’s fingers as easily as a knife cutting through warm butter. The light sliced through the Nightmare’s palm, dicing up the creature’s hand like a tomato. Slivers of its flesh flew this way and that way into the void of space. Each severed piece of the beast was smoldering as though burnt by Michael’s blazing attack. The creature’s stumpy arm withdrew. It fled for the dark cavern that it had emerged from. I lowered my hands from my ears once the Nightmare vanished.

“We should leave,” said Michael. “More will come. Many more. This place has become their domain now.”
            “Wait,” I said. “I don’t want to leave—I—.”

“You don’t want to?” said Michael. His face brightened a little when I said that. He drew closer to me and knelt. “Tell me, Jon. What do you want? What do you really want?”

Michael was serious. His eyes were fixed on me. They were the eyes of a kid eagerly awaiting a present. It was weird. Maybe even weirder than the world ending or nearly getting murdered by an enormous hand made of inky darkness. However, they were honest eyes.

“I want to stay here,” I said. “I want—I want to build the life of my dreams, here.”

Michael’s eyes brightened even more when I said that. He was smiling more than when he first passed through my bedroom ceiling and landed on my bed like some stupid angel sent from the heavens. Who knows, maybe the Big Guy upstairs had sent the weirdo wizard.

“Wonderful,” said the wizard. “That’s wonderful! Yes! Let’s do it! Let’s recreate the world. We will get started right away, Jon! You and me!”

The Afterword of Blog Post #1

            Hey guys,

I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions like ‘What happens next’ or ‘Why wasn’t the wizard naked? You promised us a naked wizard and he was fully clothed!’ Listen, I’m trying to get these posts out once a week and I don’t want to rush the process. Michael and I will have plenty of adventures that I’ll blog about, but as some of you may know, writing is a process, so please bear with me as I post about our adventures little by little. I do have a fulltime job and blogging doesn’t pay the bills. I’ll give you the title of the next post since you suffered through this sad excuse for an afterword. I’m thinking it will be something like “The Judgement of the Fire Queen.”

See you next week

Cheers!